How do you measure time?
In seconds? minutes? hours? days? months? years?
Sometimes time takes forever,sometimes it goes too quickly. SOMETIMES IT JUST STANDS STILL....

4 months ago, 123 days ago, 2952 hours ago, 177,120 minutes ago, 10, 627,200 seconds ago my life changed forever.
10,627,199 seconds ago I was married and 10,627,200 seconds ago I became a widow. What a difference a moment makes....

I just was thinking today of time because I thought of all the things we were going to do...in time. Instead of going to Hawaii for our 20th anniversary, we decided on our 25th. Now I look back and think..why didn't we do the 20th, or the 21st or the 16 1/2. What does time matter? If you wait to do things until a certain moment in time, it might be too late. I will never get to do all the things we planned...in time....because time in that chapter of my life is forever stopped.

I think about milestones......anniversaries and birthdays celebrated in 5 year increments once you reach a certain point. Does it make those years inbetween any less significant? You don't see napkins that say "Happy 54th birthday", or "Happy 23rd Anniversary". My sweet guy will never celebrate his 54th birthday. And we will never get to celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. We never knew our 22nd anniversary would be our last and I don't think we even celebrated it because it fell on Thanksgiving weekend and we were traveling. So our last anniversary together was spent traveling in a van. But at least we were together...

"Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." 

How many times have you said "SOMEDAY"? How many times have you said "LATER"? I've said it plenty of times. And there are so many of my "somedays" and "laters" that are now "NEVER".

This is not to say that every "someday" and "later" were ever going to be feasible, practical, or attainable. Just that now they will never be.

Take a moment to think about things in your life. And then rethink...do something out of the ordinary, out of the norm, out of the routine. Just trying to get myself to think of time more...I waste time and you can't get it back as hard as you try. I watch endless episodes of TV shows that I have seen dozens of times...wasting time....time not serving God, time not being productive, time not blessing others. Wasted and lost time.

Sometimes our time is lost on things that will never be again....relationships that were not meant to sustain every season of our life. I want my time left on this earth to be blessed not stressed!! I want my time left to be spent with those that uplift rather than drag down. I pray that use my time being a lifter and not a dragger.

As I write this...4 months ago almost to the very minute, my hand was on my sweetie's heart waiting for him to take his last breath on this earth. Time stood still in that moment. I was surrounded by people, but yet everything around me faded as it was just my moment with him...his last moments, my last moments....and when he breath his last breath at 11:45pm...at 11:45pm and 1 second I was very aware of what a difference a moment makes.....Be aware of your moments..and treasure each one......

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart" Winnie the Pooh

This week was my first days back to a regular routine. It was so nice to wake up with a purpose and a place to go. Then there was today, Friday..my first day "off" to be spent any way that I wanted.

Several years ago Dave's company changed their hours to working 4 longer days and a shorter day on Friday. So at 1pm every Friday, the familiar sound of the key in the door and in came my sweetie. He went straight to the closet, changed clothes and into the backyard he went. The routine was to first put the radio on in the yard, usually the babbling of Rush Limbaugh, and before starting chemo, pouring a Coke Zero with some coconut rum and maybe a cigar. And there he was...floating in the pool, his happy place. And that is what I saw each Friday afternoon as the weather permitted. And because it was not my happy place, I stayed inside and did whatever made me "happy". What I thought I saw and what I really saw were two different things as I'm now finding out.

What I thought I saw was him just relaxing and what he really was doing was taking care of us: he was brushing the pool, cleaning the skimmers, pulling the weeds, fertilizing, watering, washing the cars, changing lightbulbs, picking up the garbage cans that were continually knocked over by creatures, and so much more than I realized and have yet to realize. How did I think those things were happening? Did I notice, or did I even care? Of course every day I discover so much more that he was doing out of love for us and for taking care of us. I now notice nothing blooming because it's not being watered or fertilized. I notice the pool turning green because it's not being taken care of. I notice that weeds because they are not being pulled. I notice brown branches and stems because they are not being trimmed.  I notice...I notice...I notice....now....how many times did I thank him for taking care of us with what seemed like such simple things? Those simple things that are so magnified now.

Today I realized how much I missed the back door opening. My first Friday back to the routine, and 1pm came and went and no door opened. So yes, you guessed it..I cried. Actually I cried much earlier than that when I realized the door was not going to open at 1pm. How much I missed seeing my boy floating in the pool with a Coke Zero and a cigar and yes, I can't believe I'm going to say this....I wouldn't mind the Rush Limbaugh babble either.

I am so very very grateful and thankful for all my precious friends that have been there for me these months. You were there before, during,  and you are still here now. I appreciate all the little things and all the big things you have done to care for me and the girls, and show us that we are loved. My thank you notes still sit here, with no good excuse for not being sent. I hope you all know that each and everything little to big thing has not gone unnoticed by me or the girls. We are overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for us.

I encourage each of you to find love and joy in the small things.  Don't let them go unnoticed. The things you take for granted might be the very thing you'd miss if it was gone. Take a moment to acknowledge the small things or big things that others do that are really being done from the heart. They might not even realize they are loving you by doing it....and what a difference you will make in their life, and yours, by noticing it........