Looking back....2 months ago today I had to make the hardest decision I've ever had to make. The girls and I with friends and family at our constant side had to make a decision to remove life support of the person we loved the most on this earth. And it just did not make sense.....
Because looking back....on the very day this picture was taken we had just found out a few hours before that not one, but two bone marrow donors had been found for Dave.....so it didn't make sense that 5 days after this picture was taken I was told that I needed to call family because sepsis had taken over and there was no hope.....and that just did not make sense......
Because looking back......The Lord had come to Dave while in the hospital during his last round of chemo. It was something we did not share on facebook because we wanted Dave to tell it as his testimony...but he never got to tell it...except through the written word. Helena had given him a journal before he went in for his last chemo to journal his journey. We are so thankful that he documented his experience and Pastor Brian shared at Dave's service....
Looking back...it didn't make sense.....
because looking forward.....we felt like Jesus was saying it was all going to be okay.....
because looking forward.....we were told a few days later 2 donors were found.....
but looking back now it seems....the Lord was looking forward to be there one step ahead of what was to come....HE never left us, HE was always there..and HE was right..it was all going to be okay...but not the okay we had hoped for...complete healing on this earth....so now...
looking forward...we try to live with God's plan for us....not a new plan for HIM, it was always HIS plan we'd be at this place. It sure isn't our plan though. But we know HE will never leave us or forsake us.....because...
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Deuteronomy 31:8
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. I am sorry for your pain, but inspired by your Faith! I know your sweetheart is whole, new, perfect in every way and cannot wait to see his girls again some day - when it is God's plan.
ReplyDeleteHUGS!
=) Beth Cade
You write so beautifully. Thank you for sharing your heart. Remember that God did not really plan for us to suffer the consequence of sin and death, but He knows it will happen and will be forever there to help us through whatever we face with the ultimate good to come with His help. I know Dave would be so very proud of you and the girls now!
ReplyDelete