Today I got to spend the entire day with a very dear friend. Well sort of.....I was blessed to be able to be there for her to take her for an outpatient procedure. She was so sweet because at one point she said she was sorry...because she did not realize that being in a hospital would be hard for me. No big deal...wasn't even the same situation, so it wasn't going to be hard.
Well my sweet friends' recovery went longer than it was planned, so you know me..I don't know a stranger and befriended a dear lady in the waiting room. I had a fabulous conversation with her about her family. She was 1 of 9 children. Her mom lived until the age of 87 and her dad lived until 107 (and died with all his own teeth and not a cavity to be found) Her aunt is still alive at 101. I asked her what she attributed their long life span to and she said the only thing she can think of was no processed foods..(hmmmm as I was drinking a big ol' diet Coke).
So then she asked me about my story....and so I told her how life has been lately. Not sure what I said that made her say this, but she said I was an "inspiration" to her and was impressed that I could be there in the hospital after only 2 months of Dave being gone. Again, what's the big deal? It's not even the hospital that Dave was in when he died, so not even the same scenario.
The nurse came to get me, it was time to take my friend home. Got to the recovery room and the nurse started to tell me what we needed to know to be able to take her home, what meds she needed to take..how to take care of the wound, what she could and could not do. And then it happened...thankfully my friend was completely out of it from pain meds...the tears just poured...and poured....the memories just came flooding back like a giant wave. But not of Dave, but of my mom.
My mom has been gone for 24 1/2 years. She died when I was 24yrs old (so now you know my age). She was sick for nearly my whole life with one thing or another. I can't remember a time that she was well. When I was younger, she was sick with Psoriatic Arthritis, which I was bummed to inherit. They did not have the meds like they have now for arthritis, so I always remember her having so much pain. When I was in my teens, she became a diabetic and she did not take care of herself and had a stroke. Who found her? Me. Who called the ambulance? Me. Who ALWAYS had to call the ambulance? Me :( My dad did not handle stress well, so he would "check out" to go smoke a cigarette when things got beyond handling.) So there I was, left as child/teen/young adult, left to make decisions that I did not want to make.
Twenty-five years ago, this past Wednesday I know exactly where I was. While my sweet niece was born in a hospital across town, I was in another hospital with my mom while she was having her leg amputated from gangrene. A few days prior I was out of town for a friends' wedding and came home to find my mom's leg full of gangrene...but dad was too upset to call the ambulance once again, so there I was again calling to get her to the hospital. When the surgery was over, dad was not with me in the waiting room so they came to me to ask if we wanted to keep the leg. "Excuse me?, Um why would I want to do that". I was told that in some religions they do not believe the body is whole if it's not buried together, so they wanted to know if I wanted the bury the leg. Um, no. I told them to to throw it out, ugh!!
There is so much more to the story of caring for mom during this time and the time from her amputation to her death in February 1988 from complications due to her uncontrolled diabetes. I saw more and did more for my mom than any child should have to. And this is why the tears started...the flood of uncontrollable tears that had me think of who would take care of ME now? I would never want my girls to do for me that I did for my mom. I took care of Dave, he took care of me. And I just stood there looking at my sweet friend thinking all I had to do was get her home and her husband was there to take over.
I do want to say that my dad was a wonderful man. He loved my mom so much that it hurt him so bad to see her hurting that he just could not handle it and needed help getting her the care she needed. I don't hold it against him...it took me a while to figure it out, but I finally understood it. He really did take amazing care of her, and it's hard when someone does not want to care for themselves. There is only so much you can do. My dad has been gone 8 years..I'm sure that is a whole other blog....
I know if and when the time comes, that God will provide the perfect person to care for me....be it family or friends. In my weak moment today it also reminded me why I am strong. Each experience I have had has made me stronger, but I am reminded that I am not strong on my own....I know I get my strength from above....
I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm -
He will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121
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